I’m bent. Bent over the realization that I’m a forty-something year old woman who has to take care of herself, eat vegetables, exercise to maintain even a semblance of a decently shaped body and work on a hum drum existence that includes the house lost in a short sale, someone else’s car, 2 misbehaved kick dogs and one teenager. I have to admit. The teenager is the highlight to all of it. He doesn’t really talk back. He has decent grades. He more than partially tries to do well in his chosen hobbies. He is a gamer, a geek and someone I can relate with. So that part really isn’t bad.
I did one thing right in this mess. I didn’t marry the man with whom I had a child. I am not the forty-something out-of-shape partially employed single mom going through a divorce like everyone else. I knew that guy was a loser in my young, bright eyed, still believed in Cinderella endings twenties. And in Florida, where marriage and child custody seems to favor the asshole in the relationship (male or female), I thank my one good decision every day. I raise my son my way and no one tells me when I can and can’t see him or tells me I have to share the decision-making process. I don’t get any financial support, but I wouldn’t have either way. Florida is one heck of a screwed up state.
In the state of the undecided, anyone can fire anyone for any reason at all. I believe we call it right to work and employment at will. I feel it should be called right to be unaccountable. In this lovely penis-shaped state, we supposedly have 50/50 custody laws and fair share child support and alimony. Read up on it sometime. It reads nicely. Then go talk to the many who have suffered through the long, painful, unbelievably expensive process. I believe both sides will tell you what a nightmare a Florida divorce truly is.
But I wandered off topic. So my doctors tell me I have to take care of myself. I’m getting up in years. Oh dear, I wander again. I don’t have insurance. I can’t afford health insurance, with or without Obamacare. I was paying over $450 per month prior to the new laws. I took a long look at what was available after the law was put in place…and I chose to pay the fines. People who cannot afford health insurance have to pay fines based on how much they make. Someone told me the other night that it would only be about $100. Do they have any idea how much that is? Probably not.
Even if the recession is over, or coming to an end…a single parent with no financial support living in a backwards town like this one will never find a job with a salary that will allow them to pay the bills, put some away for college for the kids and put some away for retirement. People in this situation don’t even think about retirement as a possibility.
I’m not blaming my situation on the President. It truly is my fault. I know that. I think that all politicians and the political process lost its way somewhere in the past two hundred years or so. Or maybe, once again, it looked great on paper, but the implementation was an inconceivable fairy tale left to people (old, white, male people) to make a reality. People, by nature, screw everything up. We have something good and we mangle it into a pile of maggot ridden poop.
I’m begrudgingly eating vegetables instead of potato chips, and I will have a vegan burger with portabella and roasted pepper for dinner in a bit here. I’m going to get back to stuffing envelopes with donation requests for the event I’m planning while mindlessly watching another action packed episode of Agents of SHIELD. BUT I’m smiling right now. It felt good to vent. To write it down and get it out. To allow myself to feel freely and not hide behind the veil of “How are you? I’m good” syndrome.
Maybe I should do this more often.